Photo: Me skydiving with an instructor approx five years ago.
It was close to this time three years ago that I got laid off from my day job. You can read about that awful day in this older post. I said back then that I felt like I had jumped off a cliff and to be honest, I still feel like I have and I don’t know if that feeling will ever go away…
I feel that anyone who freelances feels like this too. We are all free falling with no real guarantee of what’s next which for many is absolutely petrifying. I never really know what I’m doing next month or next year which when I think about it might be a good thing compared to the 9 to 5 where I knew exactly where I would be for years. Confirmed pay days were reassuring but the rat race feeling was a quiet frustrating depression.
Free falling as I like to call this, is freedom but it’s like a two sided coin. One side is immeasurable happiness but the other is the scary ‘OMG but what do I do next?’ Those two sides constantly flip in my head.
So three years on from that day, this post is for the freelance world that every October reminds me I was pushed into.
True story: Michael surprised me once about five years ago with a sky diving trip. The worst part was going up in the plane where I had time to think about what could go wrong. Your mind can really kill what your heart wants to do. Don’t let it. When I finally jumped I thought: “that wasn’t as bad as I thought!” That feeling going up in the plane was the same feeling that I had at my desk job when thinking about what could go wrong if I quit my job. The fear petrified me for years.
Even though I have literally no idea what the future holds I am glad that my heart and not my head has got me thus far.
So this post is for those that jumped. Now we are all free falling no matter how we got here. For those still on the plane and thinking like I did, it’s finding the courage to take that first step into doing what you already know you love. That step took me almost TWO YEARS to make: I procrastinated that long before starting Where Did U Get That and doing “something in fashion.”
This road isn’t easy but my worst day now is better than the best day doing what I did before. Like I said earlier , I’m still figuring this out as I go along, but the journey takes on a more powerful meaning when it’s to benefit you instead of someone else.
Whether you jump or not, I will tell you this: ultimately do what your heart wants and do not let your mind talk you out of it.
. . .
“Sometimes you’re ahead,
Sometimes you’re behind.
The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.”
– Baz Luhrmann
Caroline Howden says:
I can really relate to this…I remember reading your blog on how you ended up in New York – then when you finally got a job – you were laid off. Awful time of uncertainty, but look where you are now 😉 I’ve been wanting to go freelance for quite some time and same – it does feel like stepping off a cliff with no back-up plan. My boyfriend went solo and set up his own company two years ago and loves it. We had a quiet four months (don’t quit your job over Christmas!) and then thankfully the work has come in and it’s been non-stop (I hope it continues this way!). Michael’s in CGI for TV/Film and I’m a designer too, but for retail and luxury cosmetics. During my ‘career’ I’ve had two TUPE’s (current company bought by another company) and three redundancies. I’ve seen people that have worked in companies 16+ years suddenly made redundant with barely a thanks for their hard work and loyalty. So I feel quite fatigued to be honest. I do have a plan…New Year – New Start (there! I’ve put it in type 0_0) where hopefully I’ll be freelance designing from home, probably in a dressing gown…as I was the previous weekend (it’s not as glamourous as you think…;-)) Sorry for the long post – this is quite close to me right now.
GLD says:
This is me! I’ve worked for a company for almost 19 years (I know, crazy) and next week, the 30th, we will be closing due to the crisis (As you say, barely a thanks). Obviously it’s not the same as Karen, as she left her job and was younger than I am. But I’m happy, relieved … I can’t explain the feeling. But at the same time, I’m 48, living in one of the European countries with more unemployment, that’s really scary. I also don’t believe in “if you want, you can”, of course I want, of course I have ideas and of course I have the guts… but everything around (in terms of work) is against me. We’ll see what the future holds, I’ll stay positive 🙂
(sorry for my english, it’s not my first language)
Pumps & Studz says:
Gosh, I love this post. I can also relate to this as I am self employed and have been for the last 15 years. Currently in transition to another career but once again, I will be working for myself. Yes, having a 9-5 is all that you mentioned but the on the other hand the freedom that comes with freelancing, being your own boss is priceless, even with not knowing what tomorrow brings, Now I need to go back and read your original post. BTW, I love your blog and stalk you on Instagram. LOL